We don’t know how to really use Facebook. You should make it work for yourself. Don’t let them decide how you should use it and in what way it might run your life. Please read until the end, because I have a great solution for you that keeps you on Facebook but that doesn’t allow Facebook to “run your life” in any way.
Let’s face it, everything is on Facebook these days, you got the people, the events, your community, groups that you’re interested in and keep up with, pages that have news and pictures you respond to. You got your family on there, as well as high school friends that you’d like to stay close enough to if ever you might want to catch up or even just see what they’re up to now. There are people you respect and would like to keep up with in one form or another, either you can see them, or they can see you, but as long as they know you’re still on the face of the earth, and vice versa, that’s great.
Of course you could do without Facebook entirely, so I could tell you, just get rid of it! But the problem always remains (and how they keep us coming back!) that by one click of “delete my account”, you can lose touch with family and friends that are far away, or that you simply don’t visit a lot, but you still care for them. Sure, there’s e-mail, letters and phone calls, but how many e-mails do you have to write, or calls you have to make to properly keep up with everybody you mean to keep up with? It’s simply time-consuming, and we’re selfish with our time.
It’s OK to focus more on what’s actually around you, while still keeping others close if they ever need you or you need them, but we need that solution without the drag of seeing everybody go through their whole life on Facebook. I don’t know about you, but if I’m interested enough, I’ll want to catch up with you in person and find out what’s been going on in your life, even if I can only do that in 1, 3, 12 months, whenever we decide to get together, or maybe we bump into each other, or have a family gathering or whatever it is. It’ll still be just as exciting as seeing it on Facebook THE MOMENT it happened. All the big events and big moments; career changes, baby births, nuptials, achievements… and of course all the small things are nice to know about too. But, like in the “old times”, you can’t know everything about everybody, especially if you want to use technology in moderation and live more “in person”. That’s just the way it goes, and the balance is healthier for you that way anyway.
My personal problem with Facebook is that I don’t really want to know what everyone is doing… some are acquaintances, some are just people I’ve known, and it doesn’t make them any less special but I have people who I am closer to and have more in common with. Also, I need to keep up with myself and not always have other people around; see what they’re doing, what they’re wearing, the way they look, the way they seem to be happy or unhappy, successful or unsuccessful. All that really interferes with my own focus of myself and what’s going on in my life and the people who I choose to keep near me. I would like to keep my world (with the people I’m absolutely closest with) and the rest of the world separated on a regular basis, and decide when I’d like to venture out and “visit” somebody. Keep reading, I have a solution you’ll love…
So mainly, I am interested in my community groups, some events, and great pages I follow to keep up with all my interests. Facebook has everything… whatever you’re looking for, so it’s a great tool for pretty much whatever you need. So, whatever you want Facebook for, I’m here to tell you, you can have it without all the extra fuss and honestly, the anxiety that comes with knowing too much about people that you don’t really care to know that much about. So HERE’S how you can have Facebook and love it too.
Step 1: “Unfollow” everybody. (not unfriend!!)
Step 2: Follow pages, events, community groups, musicians, whatever…..
Step 3: Visit anybody’s profile ANYTIME!
For some people, this is a totally unacceptable thought! How dare I be so selfish?
Let’s go a little more in-depth. You need to know more before you do this. I said unfollow everybody, and I DO mean EVERYBODY! But….you still might be left with a very small group of people that you follow. But just tell yourself when you start unfollowing your friend’s list that you’re going to unfollow EVERYBODY. You might come to some people who you deem “non-negotiable”….BUT REALLY MEAN IT, OK??? This won’t work if you don’t unfollow people that in real life, you don’t actually “follow”.
For example: I have only my immediate family followed on FB and I mean, ONLY! PS. : cousins, aunts, uncles are not immediate… I have close friends but we chat in Messenger and keep up that way. If your friends are close enough to you, they’ll give you updates about big events in their life, even small ones, also you still have the freedom to visit anybody’s page ANYTIME! PS. Messenger deserves the same treatment as Facebook. Mute your notifications when new conversations pop up, unless it’s one you need to stay alert for. People will get to know that the best way to contact you is to call you or text you. I also do the same for my e-mails, so now I’m a lot less addicted to checking my phone and all its apps, and I live more in the real world. The air is SO fresh here.
Just basically one sure way of contacting you is quite enough in my opinion, unless you enjoy being addicted then I can’t do anything for you, and maybe that’s your right path, and in that case, I butt out! By “one way of contacting you”, I might mean text and calling which is almost the same thing now…
This is very very important: by unfollowing even people you’re close with and you love, it doesn’t mean that you don’t love them or don’t want to know what they’re up to. But now it comes to a more natural process of going to check their profile YOURSELF. Yes, by your own hands, you can check their profile. Just like knowing you wanted to write a letter to someone back in the day, you’re actually capable of thinking of checking someone’s profile and what they’ve been up to for the past month or more…. this is healthier for you so you’re doing the world a favor by taking care of yourself first. It isn’t selfish to reject someone that way when you’re not actually rejecting them at all, you are just taking care of your health while still keeping them in your life someway.
Lastly, super important as well, you can still post about yourself sometimes. Think of it as a real photo album that you can just share with everybody, and also whatever else you would like to post about, but I warn you, this is where you need to limit yourself and be absolutely reserved about what you post. Consider the importance of what you’re about to post, because to others, it can look selfish that you don’t like their posts anymore so in my opinion, you have to be as least selfish as possible in the amount you post about yourself and your life. Remember, you are trying to be more private and more natural in the way you deal with technology and the resources we have today. The goal in my eyes is always that I’m trying to live better and healthier, and to become a more real and natural participant of society.
Personally I post when I have a few pictures that kind of make an album, nothing fancy, it just gets posted so if anybody wants to see what our trip was like, or what our past month or two have been like, they can see. If they follow me, fine, if they don’t, it doesn’t mean they don’t care, it also doesn’t mean they’ll never think of visiting my profile in the future. You’re doing it to be open with your little Facebook community, and you are staying on Facebook to not lose touch completely. I would feel happy knowing someone unfollowed me or unfollowed everybody if they wanted, for their own happiness and their own purpose in this life. I highly, highly recommend disconnecting in whatever way you see fit. I just thought I’d share where my long dysfonctional journey with Facebook landed me.
End note: I don’t recommend being on Instagram because first, I have no solution for that and also, I think that Facebook has it all so why be on so many social networks when FB is enough of a pain at the end of the day! Limit your use of technology to the bare minimum that you need… maybe ask yourself “how does this serve me?”, “Is it healthy enough for me to justify an addiction to it?” or “can I solve my addiction and keep my account?”
Thank you for reading!