Identify Yourself : The Taker

There are many kinds of people out there, but some of them will stick out to you because of their irritable personalities when you get to really know them. This particular type of person has made a negative impression on myself and others around them. They have also passed on these qualities to others, which makes for a less positively productive world when you add up how many of these people are out there.

It’s important that we are aware of others and their personality traits. This is important because we need to be conscious of our surroundings and how we get affected, but also because we can notice those characteristics within ourselves and we should correct them as much as we can, along the way.

 

The Taker :

This article is about “The Taker”. The taker is self-centered, selfish, and they love to take, take, take. They don’t care to give much. If they do give, it’s usually to benefit themselves in the end. And don’t be fooled by their gifts to you, whether in words or in physical ways, these gifts aren’t always to benefit you directly and usually come from a superficial place.

It’s important for you to know that even though I am criticizing these types of people, it doesn’t mean their hearts aren’t good. Their hearts may very well be good, but they’re probably not using their hearts enough which makes it seem like they’re bad people, but they just have issues that have not been dealt with enough. This can seriously affect their relationships with family members, their friends, and anyone else around them, limiting them to access their full potential, and keeping them from positively impacting others around them. So let’s talk about it, since how we affect people around us makes the kind of world that we live in.

The taker is usually someone with low self-esteem as they struggle with many insecurities. Maybe they have been brought up by parents who have acted selfishly, or maybe they haven’t learned the proper ways to care for others. It could even be that they haven’t been brought up properly at all, and this felt like the natural or only path for them. Looking after only ourselves can be a defense mechanism, that’s important to be aware of when dealing with these people.

Generally, you need to apply the characteristics of a “taker” to a mature adult, but you can also see this developing in youth. If it is extreme in their youth, you should probably try to reel them in to be more selfless and caring of others and their feelings.

 

The way they appear to be :

The taker will maybe act like they care, or say that they do, and maybe they do deep down, but on the surface, they like to do things that will benefit them more quickly than it will benefit you, or it will have a more long-lasting benefit for them than it will for you. See, they do not give selflessly much (depending on their level of selfishness). They don’t generally feel the way others may feel when they give selflessly. When you give selflessly, typically it makes you feel good, it makes you want to do it again, and it gives you more happiness, pride and confidence within yourself. It also can make you feel like you accomplished something great.

The taker doesn’t like to know a lot about other people, they may not ask questions to get to know you, they may not ask questions to know more about what you think, they may not even be present enough in your life, when perhaps they should be. The reason they do this, is because they don’t want to feel like less of a person when they know how well you’re doing in your life, and how successful you are at anything at all. It can be as small as how you did your hair, or as big as how you’ve become the person you are today, or the happiness you feel in your life. It can hurt them to find out about others, as it will take a hit on their confidence level, and they simply can’t afford that because it’s already so low.
Side note, I wrote something once that goes like this : “Be confident enough in yourself to be happy for others.” This is something these people struggle with. It’s hard to do for anyone. So just know, it’s OK to struggle with this, just as long as you’re aware of it.

To give isn’t good enough for the taker, as they need to be filling up their confidence more than helping others with their confidence and happiness. They are constantly working at filling something up that will never actually be full until they stop thinking of only themselves. And understandably, they have low self-esteem, why should they focus on others when they need to be helping themselves feel better? It’s OK to give people a break when they are trying to change, but many of these people aren’t working towards this solution and they prefer to stay in their habits of caring only for themselves, as this is the easier option. They may have been doing that for most of their life, so it can feel very hard to change. These issues they carry with them cause relationships to stay still, or to not work out at all. There’s a lot on the line for people who have low self-esteem and never try to improve at it. You can lose a lot, and even if you don’t lose everybody in the end, you lose precious time in life and moments that could be deeper, and more meaningful with others.

The “taking” part of this person comes in where not giving to others simply isn’t satisfying enough, they need to try to take away from you and they will try to put you down in subtle and sometimes obvious ways. Sometimes they can even be ruthless and do everything they can to break you and make you hurt, if you are that vulnerable and weak in their eyes. Please do not be that vulnerable to them. It isn’t fair but you must not become a victim, it will only help them continue.

All this can happen in big or small ways. Try and notice the ways that they may try and make you look or feel less important. It can be helpful for you to notice this, so that you may block it out of your “caring” radar. When they do not feel like they’re affecting you or getting to you, they will simply stop, or at least it will never do its full job of making them feel more important than you. At times where they try and break you down, those are times where their self-esteem is particularly low, but if you have someone who does this on the regular, they are simply insecure about themselves most of the time. It’s unfortunate and can be really hard to deal with but here is some advice on how to deal with this type of person.

 

How to deal with The Taker:

It would be so great to say “don’t deal with them at all”, but maybe you love one of these types of people, or maybe you’re forcibly related to them and can’t necessarily get away from them. So here are my tips for dealing with these people and behaviors.

 

#1 Always work on your own confidence before dealing with other people’s crap and issues.

#2 Do not take things personally, and try not to get out of hand around them, this will not help your image, and will only give them more to boast about themselves. Their actions are not yours, and they are not your responsibility in the end.

#3 Be extra strong. Remind yourself that they have probably been brought up this way or have gained this somehow in their life. Remind yourself it isn’t about you.

#4 If you are very close to them, help them notice these characteristics within themselves by remaining calm and peaceful when things get heated. Remember, they can change if they want to.

#5 If it’s a pretty bad case, don’t give yourself to this person more than you need to. Sometimes the minimum amount is all you need to give to keep things peaceful and manageable. If it isn’t someone you’re related to or have any strong ties with, you don’t have to keep them in your life at all.

#6 It’s hard for some to keep emotions out of it, but to get through your life without being deeply affected by someone like this who is extremely close to you, that’s tough to start with. Remember to love yourself, even though this person may do everything they can to tear you down and make you look bad to others, even to yourself. And remember that there are others who love you or can love you, and keep yourself distracted with those positive thoughts that you do have about your life, and people who are good to you.

 

It can be truly heart-breaking for a family member/friend to deal with someone who acts selfishly in small and big ways. It can wreck families, it can impact children, and their children, and so on. It’s important to notice if you have these characteristics in you, whether you have many or just a few. Also, if you are dealing with someone like this in your life, understand that it comes from somewhere, and you can try and help them or you can let it be. And always work on yourself as much as you can. Whatever the right choice may be in your situation, let yourself find peace in that choice, and in the rest of the beautiful life that you lead.

 

 

Next articles to come :
Identify yourself:
     The Unemotional
     The Overly-emotional
     The Faker
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