Toxic Egos : The Taker

There are many kinds of people out there, but some of them will stick out to you because of their irritable personalities when you get to really know them. Everyone has egos to manage but you’ll notice the taker as having quite a large ego. These people usually still have a good heart somewhere deep down, it’s just buried underneath a lot of issues. This particular type of person passes on these qualities to others around them, which makes for a less positively productive world when you add up how many of these toxic personalities are out there.

It’s important that we are aware of others and their personality traits. This is important because we need to be conscious of our surroundings and how we are affected, but also because we can notice those characteristics within ourselves and we should correct them as much as we can, along the way.

Remember all of these characteristics, you can have in yourself to a certain degree. Everyone has a different level of every ego.

The Taker :

This article is about “The Taker”. The taker is self-centered, selfish, and they love to take, take, take. They don’t care to give much, not of real things anyway. If they do give, it’s usually to benefit themselves in the end. Don’t be fooled by their gifts to you, whether in words or in physical ways, these gifts aren’t always to benefit you directly and usually come from a superficial place.

It’s important for you to know that although I am criticizing these types of people, it doesn’t mean their hearts aren’t good. They aren’t using their hearts enough which makes it seem like they’re bad people, but they just have issues that have not been dealt with properly or at all. This can seriously affect their relationships with family members, friends, co-workers and anyone else around them, limiting them to access their full potential. It also keeps them from positively impacting others around them and achieving true success in their lives. So let’s talk about it, since how we affect people around us makes the kind of world that we live in.

The taker is usually someone with low self-esteem as they struggle with many insecurities. Maybe they have been brought up by parents who have acted selfishly, or have not used proper parenting skills. It could be that they didn’t receive enough love or tough love, and it then becomes difficult for them to recognize the right path in life and the right path for their own children. Looking after only ourselves can be a defense mechanism, that’s important to be aware of when dealing with these people.

Generally, you need to apply the characteristics of “the taker” to a mature adult, but you can also see this developing in youth. If it is extreme in their youth, you should probably try to reel them in to be more selfless and caring of others and their feelings. The way you treat others and raise your children will come around like karma in the end.

The way they appear to be :

The taker will act like they care on the surface, or say that they do, and maybe they do deep down, but they like to do things that will benefit them more quickly than it will benefit you, or it will have a more long-lasting benefit for them than it will for you. The taker does not understand the karmic effects of giving and loving in a selfless manner. They do not give selflessly as much as others might (the amount depends on their level of selfishness). They don’t generally feel the way others may feel when they give selflessly, typically it makes a normal person feel good, and makes you want to do it again. It gives you more happiness, pride and confidence within yourself. But these feelings are not well processed for the taker.

The taker doesn’t like to know a lot about other people, they may not ask questions to get to know you, they may not ask questions to know more about what you think, they may not even be present enough in your life, when perhaps they should be. The reason they do this, is because they don’t want to feel like less of a person when they know how well you’re doing in your life, and how successful you are at anything at all. It can be as small as the accomplishments in your day-to-day life, or as big as how far you’ve come and the happiness you feel. It can hurt them to find out about others, as it will take a hit on their confidence level, and they simply can’t afford that because their confidence is already so low.

I wrote something once that goes like this : “Be confident enough in yourself to be happy for others.” This is something many people struggle with. It’s hard to do for anyone. So just know, it’s OK to struggle with this, just as long as you’re aware of it.

The taker can also be a possessive person, who is afraid of loss so this is their only way to try and keep people or certain things in their life. Material things can fill the hole where self-love should be. And possessive and needy ways is their way of trying to hold onto relationships that should be self-sufficient and loving in both ways, but they tend to push so hard that they end up pushing people away. Their insecurities make them question their value and importance to others around them.

To give isn’t good enough for the taker, as they need to be filling up their confidence more than helping others with their confidence and happiness. They are constantly working at filling something up that will never actually be full until they stop thinking of only themselves. And understandably, they have low self-esteem, why should they focus on others when they need to be helping themselves feel better? It’s OK to give people a break when they are trying to change, but many of these people aren’t working towards this solution and they prefer to stay in their habits of caring only for themselves, as this is the easier option. They may have been doing that for most of their life, so it can be very hard to change.

These issues they carry with them cause relationships to stay still, or to not work out at all. There’s a lot on the line for people who have low self-esteem and never try to improve at it. You can lose a lot, and even if you don’t lose everybody in the end, you lose precious time in life and moments that could be deeper, and more meaningful with others.

The “taking” part of this person comes in where not giving to others simply isn’t satisfying enough, they need to try to take away from you and they will try to put you down in subtle or obvious ways. They could be ruthless and do everything they can to break you and make you hurt, especially if you are that vulnerable and weak in their eyes. Please do not be that vulnerable to them. It isn’t fair to be treated like this in any way, but you must not become a victim, it will only help them to gain power over you.

All this can happen in big or small ways. Try and notice the ways that they may try and make you look or feel less important. It can be helpful for you to notice this, so that you may block it out of your “caring” radar. When they do not feel like they’re affecting you or getting to you, they will simply stop, or at least it will never do its full job of making them feel more important than you. At times where they try and break you down, those are times where their self-esteem is particularly low, but if you have someone who does this on the regular, they are simply insecure about themselves most of the time. It’s unfortunate and can be really hard to deal with but here is some advice on how to deal with this type of person.

How to deal with The Taker:

It would be so great to say “don’t deal with them at all”, but maybe you love one of these types of people, they are family, or maybe you’re forcibly related to them in some way and can’t necessarily get away from them. So here are my tips for dealing with these people and behaviors.

#1 Always work on your own confidence before dealing with other people’s crap and issues.

#2 Do not take things personally, and try not to get out of hand around them, this will not help your image, and will only give them more to boast about themselves. Their actions are not yours, and they are not your responsibility in the end.

#3 Be extra strong. Remind yourself that they have probably been brought up this way or have gained these issues somehow in their life. Remind yourself it isn’t about you.

#4 If you are very close to them, help them notice these characteristics within themselves by remaining calm and peaceful when things get heated. Remember, they can change if they want to, and you’re a direct influence for them.

#5 Take space whenever you need it. You have to re-group and re-focus often to keep a level head.

#6 If it’s a pretty bad case, don’t give yourself to this person more than you need to. Sometimes the minimum amount is all you need to give to keep things peaceful and manageable. If it isn’t someone you’re related to or have any strong ties with, you don’t have to keep them in your life at all. Even the strongest ties can be broken if it’s for your own peace.

It’s hard for some to keep emotions out of it, but to get through your life without being deeply affected by someone like this who is extremely close to you, that’s tough to start with. Remember to love yourself, even though this person may do everything they can to tear you down and make you look bad to others, even to yourself. And remember that there are others who love you or can love you, and keep yourself distracted with those positive thoughts that you do have about your life, and the people who are good to you who don’t tear you down.

It can be truly heart-breaking for a family member/friend to deal with someone who acts selfishly in small and big ways. It can wreck families, it can impact children, and their children, and so on. It’s important to notice if you have these characteristics in you, whether you have many or just a few and if they are serious or minor traits.

Also, if you are dealing with someone like this in your life, understand that it comes from somewhere deeper than what you can see or imagine. You can try and help them or you can let it be. Remember to always work on yourself as much as you can. Whatever the right choice may be in your situation, let yourself find peace in it. It’s your life and you have to be happy with the way you feel in it.

 

Next articles to come :
Toxic Egos :
The Unemotional
The Overly-emotional
The Faker

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